The Other White Meat
Mongo will eat almost anything. Things he will eat include tomatoes, apples, pears, lettuce, socks, hats, and rocks. The last three have proved costly to remove. During one vet trip for intestinal distress, the vet looked at the x-ray and said, “Well, there’s a few pebbles and some loose change in there, but that should all pass. ” So it did not come as a surprise that Mongo liked cauliflower. In fact, he’s not the only dog in the family to like cruciform vegetables. Back in the day, one golden retriever, Hudson, waited until Dad had planted all the broccoli and cauliflower starts in the garden. Then as soon as Dad went inside, Hudson pulled up all the starts and ran joyously around the backyard munching on them. Dad caught a glimpse of Hudson reveling in broccoli through the window and sprinted out the back door to find more than half the plants gone. A fence was eventually had to be installed around the garden to keep Hudson from pillaging the vegetables, when Dad became frustrated that all the almost-ready broccoli florets were disappearing!
However, none of the girl dogs in the family seemed to enjoy leafy greens. One golden girl, Dixie, did enjoy sneaking strawberries from the planter next to the back door, but that was about it.
So while Dad was using cauliflower as a substitute for cream in an alfredo sauce, it came as no shock that Mongo enjoyed a few cauliflower twigs that Dad tossed to him. The shock came when Mongo missed a piece of vegetable that Dad tossed at him, and it landed near Spork. Spork is legendary in the family for being finicky. She’s been know to turn her nose up at dog food if it has too much filler in it!
Anyway, Spork sniffed the white branch and then grabbed it unexpectedly. Then she hurried off to her bed with it the way she does with milk bones and chowed down the cauliflower. Immediately she was back at Dad’s side, begging for more. He tried it again. She devoured the next piece.
“Hey Drew”, Dad called out. “Come watch this.”
As Drew entered the kitchen, Dad tossed another piece of cauliflower at Spork. She again raced off to her bed and devoured it.
“Spork likes cauliflower”, Drew asked incredulously.
“Seems so”, answered Dad. “It looks like Spork has discovered the other white meat.”
Drew and Dad tossed another few bits of vegetable to the dogs, and then went on about their business.
After dinner, the men and the dogs were gathered in the living room watching a movie. just below the sound track of the movie, at an almost inaudible level, there was a quiet “poof”. Drew’s nose started twitching.
“Hoo wee! Mongo, where’d you get such bad gas”, asked Dad, as he screwed up his face from the smell.
Mongo rolled his head over to look at Dad and there was another “poof”. Now Drew’s eyes were watering. “Mongo, you reek”, exclaimed Drew.
Dad and Drew were learning the consequences of feeding Mr. Mongo too much cauliflower. Mongo continued to permeate the room throughout the movie. Spork sat quietly on her bed.
After the movie everyone went to bed. Everything was quiet upstairs, but down in Drew’s room, drama was brewing.
Frequently, Spork sneaks down to Drew’s room and jumps up onto his bed. Then she licks his face to let him know she’s there and when he opens his eyes, she hops to the bottom of the bed and curls up to sleep.
Drew loves being checked on in the middle of his sleep cycle, but at least he gets back to sleep quick enough. However, tonight Spork would bring the gift that keeps on giving, dog farts. Drew kept just about getting back to sleep when Spork would rollover and cut loose with more gas. Poor Drew never woke up enough to put Spork out of the room, but never really got back to sleep from the lingering effects of the dog farts.
The next morning Drew emerged groggily from downstairs. “Next time you feed Spork cauliflower, remind me to lock her out of my room.”
Dad gave Drew a puzzled look until Drew woke up enough to tell Dad of the chemical attacks perpetrated on him all night by Spork.
Dad looked over at the little dog. “Spork looks fine”, he said with a laugh. Spork was wagging her tail with her ears up and head cocked, just waiting for another piece of the most delicious treat ever.
“Sorry Spork. There’s no cauliflower left”, continued Dad.
“I hope not”, muttered Drew as he thumped back down stairs to try to catch up on some sleep.